F*** Goodbyes

Who does this guy think he is? See you soon friend.

One of our community members left today. As of today I have known Kevin for 323 days. How do I say goodbye to a friend who I've grown to admire and respect through our year of hardships, struggles, and triumphs? It's simple.

I don't.

People write. People read. People laugh. People cry. People talk. People listen. People paint. People study. People die. People live.

People do things and are around all the time, but how often do we slow down to really see people? How often do we say goodbye and not realize what we're saying?

I've been obsessed with the idea of time and transience for a while now. It's partly to do with my transient residence in Detroit, but mostly it has to do with my experience with people. People are transient in our lives. We leave and go home. We make and break friendships. We fall in and out of love. We hold on and let go. We live and die. The amount of time we spend in each others' lives is just a small grain of sand in the hourglass of our existence. To be specific, Kevin stands as parts of 323 grains out of my 8808 so far on this Earth: 3.6 % of my time. That has only made me reflect more on all the other people that flow in and out of my life.

I'm sitting with one fact now: some of the people I've known, I will never ever see again. I have been blessed to meet my fellow JVs, the Detroit JVC staff, the Detroit friends I've made, the colleagues I have at MPCC, the patients I've interacted with, the beautiful lovers in my life, the hilarious friends over the years, and the supporting family I have. Some will stay in my life. Some will fade into memories. Some may even fade completely like stars snuffed out in the night sky. But, does that mean goodbye for all those that have left?

Just with people in our lives, goodbyes are transient. It's the hello's that stick to us.The second we say hello, they become a thread in the tapestry of our lives. It can be a thread spanning one second or a thread spanning decades. Regardless, once we've said a meaningful hello, we can never say a real goodbye. Think of how many times you've said goodbye to the same person, but they return either as reminders, memories, phantoms, or as themselves. Meaningful hello's can never be taken back.

For me, a lot of things are reminders of the people I thought I've said goodbye to. Rain reminds me of my father and all the complications that come with it. Videogames remind me of some of my oldest friends that I haven't seen since I was 10. Random texts from the same bunch of guys since high school make me chuckle every time. A letter in my wallet that I've kept for 6 years remind me of my senior homecoming date. An email from an old friend I haven't spoken to in 5 years out of anger brings a smile to my face. I have several paintings hanging in my room that remind me of my best friend in the world who I can hold no ill-will against no matter how she's broken my heart. I have wanted to say my last goodbye to some of these people. But, they always return in whatever capacity and goodbyes are thrown to the wind. Due to love, hello's touch us.

These are some of the threads that I acknowledge; there are many more that I am not aware of how they have shaped me. That's the tricky thing about memory. Things just fade. But, that's the funny thing about personalities. As the grains slip through the hourglass, they build us into sand castles of intricate forms and dispositions. We won't even know where most of the grains come from. But, then that's another problem. I'm transient. All the grains that build up who I am will be blown away by the unrelenting wind and washed off by the merciless tide. Time laughs at our little pleasantries and victories. Well, I laugh back because I am happy and filled with love. Isn't that what matters?

This morning as Kevin was about to drive off, none of us could say goodbye. Sadness and gratitude filled the room, but we couldn't say goodbye. At least I couldn't. I believe that our greatest gift is our mind. If I know one thing, I know that meeting Kevin has expanded my mind into a world of greater inclusion.

I had no inkling of Liberation Theology in relation to incarcerated youths. Heck, I didn't know much about Liberation Theology. I've lived in an isolated social circle. I've had the same friends from highschool and through college I've had the same group of chemists and premed students. We tend to surround ourselves with people who think the same way we do. So Kevin was different. Theology was never a huge part of my life. Artistry and its synthesis with spirituality sure, but not a formal frame of study. I will never understand how his mind works, but I appreciate the perspective he has to offer and the love that he has given to his kids at work.

Of course I will always remember the laughter and the stories. I will remember the time we devoured 3/4 of a pan of monkey bread. I will remember falling asleep to the Olympics after eating Chinese food for Valentine's with Jonathan. I will remember the night we watched the Conjuring and Elizabeth scared the life out of us. I will remember us getting away from the girls to watch Game of Thrones or Captain America. I will remember the times he bought bacon so that we can have our meat fix. I will remember when we were the Olympic team of two representing Vatican City. I will remember the afternoon our community spent at Belle Isle reminiscing over these same memories. I will remember these tears.

F transience and f goodbyes. There were a lot of tears this weekend because I think it's all starting to hit us: this part of our lives is about to close. But, the fact that we cry means the world. We did something right. We took our time seriously and we have changed because of it. To have a "sad goodbye" is a blessing. The tears, like grains of sand in our hourglasses and in our sand castles, build us up and make what little time we have here and together worth it all.